It’s been a long year

First things first; I haven’t posted since 6 April. I’m sorry about that. 2020 has been a bad year for me, as it has been for so many, and I really struggled with burnout during the lockdown. I was one of the lucky people who was able to keep working during the pandemic, as it was very easy to transition to working from home. However, the isolation, combined with some other factors, made for a severe lack of energy and motivation, and this blog was the first thing to fall by the wayside.

I can’t guarantee that won’t continue to happen over time. Research has indicated a genetic link between endo, gut issues and depression (tell us something we didn’t know!), and I’ll admit my usual positive mood does tend to take a blow when my endo is flaring. However, I’m feeling not too bad at the moment, and have some new content I really want to get out in the next little bit. Expect some updates about surgery, the implanon, and some commentary on the pandemic and disability.

I’ve been really happy to see that this blog has still had views even whilst I’ve been inactive. I hope it has been useful to some people!

I also hope that people have been coping alright during the pandemic. Let me know in the comments what you’ve been up to, and how you’ve been.

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Disability-friendly Policy

Nothing about us without us.

You may have heard that quote doing the rounds a few times. To me, it’s super powerful and calls out a big problem with disability policy – it is often made with only minimal or token consultation with disabled people.

I’ve had cause to think about workplace disability policy a few times this year already, and now, during Endometriosis Awareness month, I really want to write about what I think good disability policy should look like.

1) Say why you have it, and do it properly

A lot of policies are all “Woo, diversity! 20% quota for people with a disability by 2050!” or something like that, but they don’t say why. At best, there is often a vague line about “because disability gives you unique perspectives!” and that’s it. That really makes it sound like the workplace is ticking a politically correct box rather than having a genuine desire to engage – employing us just becomes an exercise in making the workplace look good. Gotta catch ’em all.

What I would love to see is engagement with some of the real reasons employing disabled people is good. Reasons like:

  • It’s good for the economy to have disabled people employed in the first place;
  • It’s good for the workplace to have disabled people employed with reasonable adjustments so that they can produce their best work;
  • We are able to provide diversity of experience and viewpoints that abled people don’t have;
  • Having robust disability policy benefits abled people who are just one broken leg, back injury, car crash, or unfortunate diagnosis away from needing to use it themselves.

2) Make sure it is accessible

When you have a policy, advertise that you have it. Hand out hard copies at inductions. Pin it to your intranet. Make sure everyone knows it is there. Maybe make it compulsory reading, just like the code of conduct and your security policy.

Further, make sure everyone can actually read it. Is it available in accessible format for screen readers or text-to-voice readers? Is the language clear and simple?

3) Make sure the policies actually work

Maybe you have this really great policy allowing disabled people to access extra paid personal/sick leave…but they can only access it if they meet a whole bunch of extremely specific criteria, or are reliant on colleagues donating it, or they must have exhausted all of their annual leave to use it.

My proposal? Many workplaces allow you to buy additional paid annual leave at a one-for-one rate (e.g. you pay one week’s salary to get one week of additional annual leave), and the cost is spread out across your pay over several months or weeks. You usually have to meet some criteria, like you need to nominate a particular time to use it within.

Why not make a similar scheme for additional paid personal leave?Those of us with chronic conditions, who quickly exhaust our paid personal leave, often have to take random, unpredictable, but sometimes length chunks of unpaid leave. We might end up only have three paid days in an entire fortnight as a result. That can be really financially difficult.

If we could buy an extra, say, two weeks paid leave at the beginning of the financial year, and have that financial burden averaged out across our pay slips for the remainder of the year, we’d be losing just a few dollars a fortnight (or month, however often you are paid) rather than the majority of a single pay packet. We’d have a large additional buffer zone against needing to access our unpaid personal leave, and we’d be less likely to come to work when we are just a bit sick with a cold and spread our germs around because we are trying to guard against not having sick days during our next paralysing flare-up.

Sure, it should come with conditions to ensure it isn’t misused. I would recommend the following:

  • A doctor’s certificate stating that you have an ongoing condition or disability that will sometimes necessitate unpredictable sick days at a higher rate than the general population;
  • A cap on the amount (say an extra 2-4 weeks per year);
  • Approval from your manager, noting that they have also ensured that you are aware of your other rights and options under the disability policy (e.g. flexible work arrangements);
  • A requirement that we still provide medical evidence for that absence as usual;
  • A requirement that we have three days or fewer of existing paid personal leave.

Conditions I would not suggest are the following:

  • A ‘use it or lose it’ policy – some years, I might have a great year where I only need three days of personal leave (unlikely), but the next I may need three months. One good year isn’t indicative of my needs in the next year;
  • No ability to roll over unused purchased leave til the next year (see the first point for why);
  • A requirement that we have used all our annual leave – chronically ill people will rarely get to take actual holidays. Often, we’ve already exhausted our annual leave trying to ensure we don’t have large chunks of no payment due to having no paid personal leave. But holidays, breaks, mental health days – they are a right our abled colleagues all enjoy. They make people more productive, happier and healthier. Taking that away from us because we are sick means that the only time we get to spend away from the workplace is days where we are sick. Imagine if that was all abled people had too. It doesn’t make for a happy or productive workplace. Besides, if we are paying for our sick leave, we aren’t costing the workplace anything financially.

I think that the current crises highlights more than ever why the ability to acquire additional paid sick leave is vital. My wonderful workplace is providing extra sick leave to anyone who gets Covid-19, but not all workplaces will (admittedly, not all are equipped to). However, I would argue that being equipped for emergencies (not necessarily a global pandemic, but a bad flu season, perhaps) is part and parcel of running an organisations, particularly a large one. My supervisor says he banks on 1/3 of the work force being out during flu season for one reason or another; perhaps that is a good motto for anyone running an area with multiple staff.

4) Make sure your managers understand

I have been very lucky in my current workplace to have extremely understanding bosses, some of whom have very close experience with chronic illness or disability. However, not everyone is so lucky. I’ve heard nightmare stories of bosses who refuse to give disabled people opportunities, because they perceive them as:

  • inherently unreliable;
  • not entitled to ‘take up’ an opportunity that could go to an able-bodied person; or
  • not up to the demands of the opportunity.

Whether it is because the manager views the disabled employee as less capable, or is micromanaging to ensure they don’t get in trouble for pushing the disabled employee past their limits, the effect is the same – no opportunities for the disabled employee. That means no promotion, no career advancement, and a waning desire to remain in the job.

Having managers be educated, supportive, able to talk to the disabled employee about their needs, and able to strike a balance between supportive and over-protective is key. Get managers trained in having disabled staff.

5) Create visibility, opportunity and education

Finally, ensure that your disability policy doesn’t just employ disabled people and support them at their current level; make sure it allows disabled people to move through the ranks. Encouraged higher-ranking disabled people to be open about their disability by creating a culture in which doing so does not disadvantage them. For people at the bottom of the ladder, seeing that there are disabled people on the rungs above them gives them hope that they can also achieve that, which creates motivation and provides better workers for the employer.

It also normalises disability for people who aren’t used to seeing it, particularly in positions of power. That creates an all-around more inclusive and accepting workplace.

Don’t just stop at educating your managers, who will be supervising and mentoring disabled people – educate everyone. My workplace does sessions based off the ABC show “You can’t ask that” that allows non-disabled staff to ask questions about disability in an anonymous, judgement-free way, and hear answers from people living with those disabilities. It’s a great way to educate without having formal training sessions (which can be kind of weird and alienating when you are the person that the session is about!). Create days about diversity – have stalls and education campaigns explaining what it is like to have a particular disability. Send out newsletters. Educate the masses.

That’s my hot take on what larger workplaces can do to ensure they have a useful, robust disability policy. Do you have any suggestions I’ve missed? What does your workplace do well in this area? What does it do poorly? Let me know in the comments.

Sorry about the lack of posts

Hello, readers

I want to apologise for the lack of posts lately. My computer is being a bad child and giving me only five minutes of internet before deciding it’s all too hard. As a result, I’m stuck on my phone, which is fine for drafting but not great for formatting.

I’ll find a solution ASAP and get back to business as usual accordingly.

In the meantime, please stay safe.

Coronavirus

Hi all,

I want to apologise for the delay in posting. I had a post mostly ready to go, but with coronavirus doing what it’s doing, it didn’t feel right to proceed with my planned schedule without addressing the pandemic first.

This is not a fun time. It feels like half the world is taking this whole thing too seriously, and hoarding loo roll as a result. It feels like the other half is not taking it seriously enough, and refusing to take sensible measures to flatten the curve.

I know I’m not likely to die if I get coronavirus. Despite having a shockingly poor immune system, I don’t have any lung issues. I can’t say the same for my grandmother with one lung, who lives in a nursing home, which are basically disease-boxes. Nor can I say the same for my asthmatic friends. I’m worried about my uncle, who is a doctor, and my aunt and cousin, who are nurses. I’m worried about my husband, whose work exposes him to people from so many different situations that it could come at him from anywhere. I’m worried about my teacher friends, surrounded by hundreds of children every day with no way to maintain distance.

I’m worried about my friends who earn their living as casual workers or performers as businesses reliant on large groups of people gathering in small spaces close, or reduce their workers’ hours. I’m worried about small businesses I have affection for and loyalty too having to close their doors.

I’m worried about separated couples having to navigate co-parenting and quarantine. I’m worried about victims who live with their abusers, trapped in homes with them. I’m worried about people with depression, anxiety, mental illness and chronic pain becoming even more socially isolated and afraid, and the toll this will take on their mental health.

I’m worried about hospitals being put under so much pressure that doctors are forced to chose who to save, or leave people in pain and distress as a half-measure because there isn’t enough to keep everyone pain-free or healed.

I just want everyone to take sensible measures. Act pre-emptively in areas where coronavirus is not yet widespread, and take all possible precautions in areas where it is. Don’t hoard. Help your neighbours out, particularly if they are elderly, sick, disabled or isolated. Help those struggling financially if you have a little extra cash. Keep supporting local business where you can. Look after your mental health and maintain social networks as far as possible. Don’t panic. Verify your sources of information and take proper advice. Wash your hands. Understand that you being healthy doesn’t mean you aren’t a vector. Understand that health is not the same as immunity. Know the symptoms, and get tested appropriately. Just be good people, and good members of the human community.

I hope all my readers are staying safe and looking after themselves. I know many of you will be vulnerable to this disease, and are probably scared and feeling hopeless as people continue to blow it off as ‘a bad flu’. I’m sorry if you get glib responses like that to your valid concerns. I hope you don’t catch the virus, and if you do, I hope your symptoms are mild and your recovery is swift.

I wish you all the best.

xxxx

August Gratitude

August has slipped away and we are finally into spring! Before I can celebrate the joyous arrival of that lovely season, though, I want to talk about what I was grateful for in the final month of winter.

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to do this.  I ended August on a bad note, with a solid two weeks of pain that eventually got so horrific I was forced to take a week off.  It’s always super depressing that happens, because you start questioning the effectiveness of your treatment and eventually spiral down into deciding that nothing will fix you and you are doomed to be eaten alive by your own uterus.  It’s hard to be grateful in those circumstances and it has made this list a little harder to complete.

Nevertheless, grateful I am and grateful I will continue to be.  Here’s what about.

1) Having a warm home

I used to volunteer in a men’s homeless shelter overnight in winter. You’d sleep on the ground in the church hall we were given for it, inside a sleeping bag. Even with my cosy sleeping bag, it was chilly. Of course, I only had to do that one or two nights a month. For the men that utilised the shelter, they had to sleep in those conditions or worse every night.

Burning Firewoods
Image description: a wood fire burning in a brick fireplace.  

Australia can get cold at night. Really cold. Dying of exposure is a possibility. Each winter I am grateful for four walls and a roof, a warm bed and fluffy pyjamas.  I am glad that my pets are also safe and warm around me.

2) Wonderful work friends

As I noted in July, our team grew again, and I’m delighted that our new additions are, like my existing colleagues, smart, capable, hard-working, kind, hilarious women that I can have a good laugh with even whilst we are working under heavy pressure to produce good stuff. With or without these ladies, my work would be interesting, but they make it delightful. People really do make a workplace.

3) New suit

It’s red. It’s fabulous. It was on sale. Enough said.

Image result for review australia aries jacket
Image description: a blonde white woman wears a black dress with flowers printed on it and a dark red blazer with a waterfall front.  This is the jacket from my new suit.  Image and jacket from Review Australia.  

4) Blue skies

You know those windless winter days where the air is still crisp and cold but the sun is beautifully warm and the sky is a perfect rich blue without a cloud in sight? Australia does those days well. I love them, and the end of August gave me plenty of them.

5) Gorgeous sunsets

The sunsets really started to get pretty in August. They’d be gold at the horizon, fading up through pink, into violet, through all the shades of blue. The city skyline and the hills around were silhouettes perfectly against it. It was all just super pretty.

6) Two straight weeks of work

Sure, I ended August with a horrific flare-up and the two weeks leading up to them involved a fair amount of pain, but I managed them at work and I achieved good stuff.

7) Age of Empires

Image result for age of empires
Image description: computer graphics showing some short wooden towers and walls on either side of a path.  There are trees and cliffs to their right.  Further to the right is a stone house and a stone tower, looking over the coast line.  In the very blue sea is a dock and three little ships.  The text across the picture reads, “Age of Empires II: HD Edition.”  

 

I got my first copy of AoE in a box of Nutrigrain. It was great. My sister and I soon acquired Age of Empires II: Age of Kings. We were thrilled when Age of Empires III came out. It’s fun, it’s pretty, you get to fight the French. I went on a bit of a binge during August and enjoyed not only the game, but the nostalgia too.  There are many different nations to play as and against, each with their own distinct characteristics and style.  Also exciting: apparently there is going to be an Age of Empires 4 released next year.

8) B12 spray

Image description: a white spray bottle with a blue label that reads: B12 Liquid.  

I take a LOT of vitamins. Between the IBS and the endo and the various deficiencies, I have to swallow a lot of tablets. Not only is a sublingual spray a more efficient way of absorbing B12 (particularly important for vegans), it’s relatively tasty and it is one less pill to have to force down your throat.  It’s actually a big relief for me to find a way to take this important supplement without having to fight nausea to do it.  I use this bad boy: https://www.discountepharmacy.com.au/bioceuticals-b12-spray/

9) Tofu

Maybe it sounds like a silly thing to be grateful for, but I really am.  It’s such a versatile and delicious food.  It’s really quick to cook and it doesn’t cause me digestive issues.  It’s very nutritious, with plenty of protein and surprising amount of iron for a such a pale, flabby-looking food (I always associate iron with dark colours like kale or spinach).  I particularly like it as a scramble (crumbled into a frying pan with oil and whatever herbs, spices and vegetables I fancy) or fried in a coating of salt, pepper and flour.  Yum.

10) My parents

Once again, my parents helped me out during my week of sickness.  My mum came out twice, brought me some groceries and did some of my laundry, and my dad came out once, drank my tea and then had to leave because he’s allergic to my cat.  Having help with the chores went you can’t stand is just the biggest weight off your mind – not only does a cleaner space make my mental health better, it relieves the pressure on me and on my husband, who of course otherwise has to pick up the slack when I’m sick.  Even just having company makes a big difference – being home sick is a lonely, isolating experience.  You feel a bit unloved and a bit useless.  Company helps relieve that.

 

What were you grateful for in August?  Anything amazing happen?  Did you have to struggle to find the silver lining in the clouds?  Let me know in the comments.

Patience Quotes

I AM NEARLY A MONTH BEHIND IN POSTING THIS.  I do apologise.  Chronic illness and all.

For the month of July I decided to focus on quotes about patience.  It’s a quality you need in abundance when you’re chronically ill, because nothing moves quickly.  Getting specialist appointments, getting surgery, your medication taking effect…everything happens at a glacial pace, and it feels like doctors’ favourite phrase is “let’s just wait for six months and see how it goes.”

I’ve decided to continue providing links to the authors of these quotes.  I want to make it clear that where I have quoted someone, it is not because I necessarily agree with their entire life philosophy.  I just like that quote.  I may not even agree with the quote itself in its entirety.  For example, Joyce Meyer, author of the second quote, has previously preached the Prosperity Gospel (e.g. the belief that you get what you deserve in this life, and that poverty, sickness and other bad things are a result of a lack of faith).  She has since said that she has realised that is wrong.  Likewise, I don’t entirely agree with Aristotle’s quote – the results of patience are sometimes disappointing.

On a different note, how great is today’s stock image of a pineapple waiting?  I’m not sure what it’s waiting for, but I bet it’s being patience as heck.

With all that said, here are some quotes about patience:

  1. “Adopt the post of nature: her secret is patience.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
  2. “Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.” – Joyce Meyer
  3. “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” – Aristotle (or possibly Jean-Jacques Rousseau)
  4. “Two things define you: your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.” – Anonymous
  5. “The secret of patience is to do something else in the meantime.” – Croft M Pentz
  6. “Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it’s cowardice.” – George Jackson
  7. “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” – Saint Augustine
  8. “Have patience will all things, but first of all with yourself.” – Saint Francis de Sales
  9. “It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.” – Julius Caesar
  10. “Good character is not formed in a week or a month.  It is created little by little, day by day.  Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” – Heraclitus
  11. “I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.” – Dame Edith Sitwell
  12. “Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past.  Rather, it is a spirit that bears things – with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.” – Corazon Aquino
  13. “Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has far more patience.” – Laurence J Peter
  14. “Abused patience turns to fury.” – Thomas Fuller
  15. “How poor are they that have not patience!  What wound did ever heal but by degrees?” – William Shakespeare
  16.  “Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own conduct.” – Phaedrus
  17. “Hopelessness has surprised me with patience.” – Margaret J Wheatley
  18. “Teach us, O Lord, the disciplines of patience, for to wait is often harder than to work.” – Peter Marshall
  19. “What we all need to do is find the wellspring that keeps us going, that gives us the strength and patience to keep up this struggle for a long time.” – Winona LaDuke
  20. “All men commend patience, although few are willing to practice it.” – Thomas von Kempen
  21. “A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people’s patience.” – John Updike
  22. “Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it.” – Søren Kierkegaard
  23. “Patience is not passive, on the contrary, it is concentrated strength.” – Bruce Lee
  24. “We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world.” – Helen Keller
  25. “I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.” – Margaret Thatcher 
  26.  “Nothing else is necessary but these – love, sincerity, and patience.” – Swami Vivekananda
  27. “Patience isn’t a virtue; it’s a necessity.” – Lou Holtz
  28. “Almost everything is outside of your control. You may take all the right actions and fail. You may take no action and win. All you can do is put yourself is positions to win. Be consistent. Patience will eventually get luck on your side.” – Crypto Seneca
  29. “All good things arrive unto them that wait – and don’t die in the meantime.” – Mark Twain
  30. “The more you ask how much longer it will take, the longer the journey seems.” – Maori saying
  31. “What may not be altered is made lighter by patience.” – Horace

How do you help cultivate patience in your own life?  What tests your patience most of all?  Let me know in the comments.

 

 

Decisions, Decisions, Part I: Employment

As my regular readers will know, at the end of last year I made the very difficult decision to leave my job as a litigation lawyer and move into a more policy-focused role without any litigation element. It was a big change, and it felt like a big loss. As much as I adore my new job, there are certainly elements of my old job I miss. Most of all, I am sad that the decision wasn’t one I could make because I wanted to, but because I had to.

Now, as my endo and adeno continue to cause trouble, I’m faced with another decision – reducing my hours.

Today, I want to talk about how you make these types of decisions. I highly recommend using a journal to write down your thoughts on this, or to talk at someone. I find it helps solidify my reasoning and makes me think it through logically and thoroughly.

Basically, there are a lot of questions to ask yourself.

First, and most obviously:

1) Can you physically do it?

Whether you are asking this about the number of hours your are working, the type of work you are doing now, or the type or work you are looking to move into, it is the most basic consideration. If you cannot get through a full day without the pain driving you to your knees, or sending you to the bathroom to cry multiple times a day, or forcing you to take serious painkillers that compromise your ability to do your job in other ways, it might be time to rethink your current work.

When thinking about this, don’t just take into account whether you can struggle through a work day. Think about whether you can get through a work day and still have the strength to feed yourself, keep yourself clean, and complete those basic necessities of life? Life does not begin and end with work, and if a full-time day in your current role results in you collapsing into bed fully dressed as soon as you crawl through the door every day, that job is not working for you. Some days like that are a reality for many people with chronic pain, but if that is the majority of your days, it is not sustainable and you will end up in a really, really bad way.

2) Are there changes you could make that would let you keep the status quo?

Now, it may be that cutting your hours is the change that lets you keep your job, but other things might work too. If you work in a standing role, such as at a checkout, and you find that painful, could your employers give you a chair? If you have an office job that involves sitting all day, could a sit-stand desk help? Would a heatpack at your desk make a difference? If you struggle more in the mornings, could you start and finish work later, or vice versa if your pain is worse in the evening? Is there any way you could work from home for a day a week?  If you have to wear a uniform, are there allowances that could be made for a stretchier waistband or more comfortable shoes?

Remember that the Disability Discrimination Act mandates people making reasonable adjustment for disability (see section 5). If you aren’t sure that what you are asking for is reasonable, or your work is saying it isn’t, consider a chat with a lawyer. Legal Aid commissions around the country have helplines for free advice, and many lawyers will give you a free initial consultation or do the first 15 minutes for free.

Please note that the above is not legal advice.

Ultimately, though, if there isn’t an adjustment that will do enough to let you stay where you are, that’s another sign it may be time to move on.

3) Can you afford it?

Sadly, this is the worst question, but it is one of those horrible realities that ultimately dictates what you choose. It can put you in an awful situation where your body can’t physically afford for you to keep working, but your family (or even just you) can’t afford for you to not. Let’s not pretend that the DSP is a lot of money, even if you can get it, and Newstart is even worse.

That being said, it is still a relevant consideration. If you have a marketable, flexible skill, there might be things you can do to supplement or create income outside of Centrelink. For example, if you are fluent (and certified) in a second language, you could pick up some translation or phone interpreter work. If you have good English skills and can work at a computer, editing or transcription might be good. If you are a superb knitter, perhaps there is an Etsy store in your future. With all of these, though, bear in mind that your income is reportable to Centrelink and may reduce your payments accordingly, so assess whether it is worth it for you.

If you don’t have a skill or the energy to market it, what else can you do?  Are cheaper accommodations an option (noting that moving is a big deal even when you are healthy)?  Are you eligible for government housing or rental assistance? Are there any costs you can cut down on?  These are not nice questions to ask, and I hate the idea that people have to go through this, but it is a relevant consideration.

If you know that you cannot physically work any more, but also have no idea how you can possibly afford not to work, speak to a disability advocate, social worker, or community lawyer.  Ask what funding options there are and what you need to do to qualify for them.  Get as much medical evidence as you can from your treating team.  I can’t guarantee that things will be fun or easy (in fact I can almost promise it will be agonisingly frustrating), or even that you will be able to find the answer, but it will help inform your choice.

What are your other options?

If you are considering a workplace change rather than unemployment or a reduction of hours, what are the options for you to move on to?  Is your prospective employer likely to be flexible?  Will the new job suit your needs?  Will you enjoy it?  Seriously, mental health is important.  You want to like your job, especially if you are spending a lot of time doing it.  Will the new job allow you to grow and advance?

These questions are, sadly, less important that the physical and financial needs, because, well, you need to be housed, fed, and capable of standing up.

 

None of the above will give you an answer, but I hope that asking yourself these questions helps make the decision a little clearer in your mind.  It may also help you justify it to other people (not that you should have to, but there are always judgemental people).

Have you had to make a decision like this?  How did you decide in the end, and do you feel like it was the right call?  Let me know in the comments.

One Giant Leap for Mankind: 50 Years On

As anyone who has been paying attention to the news will know, this year – one week ago today, in fact – is the 50th anniversary of humankind first landing on the moon.  I didn’t write about it a week ago because I was at the coast, pretending to be a mermaid and not writing anything, so I’m writing about it now.

I’ve been fascinated by space for a very long time.  I’m a huge fan of Star Wars, Star Trek and Doctor Who.  I’m currently rediscovering a love of H G Wells.  I love Glynn Stewart’s many space adventure novels.  I think Firefly was a work of art (let’s not talk about Serenity).  One reason I really, really love it – particularly Star Trek – is because it is one scenario I can imagine myself in where endo might conceivably not be an issue.

Think about it.  All the books, movies, tv shows and games set in the past, present or near future might be fun to imagine yourself in.  I love to think how I’d survive if I were suddenly whisked back to Jacobite Scotland a la Outlander, or whether I’d make it through more days than my character on his desert island on Stranded Deep.  I used to think I might have a fighting chance in a zombie apocalypse (or, at least, I might not die in the first wave).  Now, however, my imagining is usually interrupted with the thought that I would be useless and probably die as soon as my meds run out.  First my Prostap would go and my flare-ups would return, and then my implanon, and finally my mirena, and my periods would come back and I’d either get eaten by a shark or offed by the girzzled band of zombie fighters for slowing them down.

But in Star Trek?  I’m sure there’s a hypospray that will keep my hormones in line, even if a cure for endo hasn’t been definitively found in the 24th century (which I suspect it will have been).  Even if I still had to suffer flare-ups, my replicator could be programmed to provide all kinds of delicious, low-FODMAP vegan meals without me having to stand and do any prep, and my (absurdly spacious) quarters would be at the exact right temperature.  My uniform could doubtless accommodate a built-in heatpack (to be clear, I’m talking about Next Gen on here, not TOS with its classic mini-dresses).  It’s very easy to imagine myself in that world without thinking “Oh, hey, I’d really struggle and would end up dying a horrible death.”

Returning briefly to the realm of reality, it does make me a bit sad that I will never, ever be one of those lucky, talented people that blasts out of the confines of our atmosphere and explores space.  I wish I had some kind of mad physics- or maths-loving brain that would make me a useful cosmonaut, or even one of the incredible ultra-nerds of NASA.  What a privilege to be able to work on the space programme!  How fantastic it must have been to be a part of that!  Still, I’m really grateful that those ultra-nerds did what they did (and continue to do).  To me, they are representative of the most positive aspects of human curiosity, intelligence and the sense of adventure – boldly going where no one has gone before, and inspiring awesome tv shows in the meantime.

Now we just need to make endo-research as cool as space travel and entice lots of clever and/or wealthy people into doing and/or supporting it.  And then maybe we can have the first person with endo in space (although we might want NASA to find a safe way to deal with menstrual waste first!).

 

Integrity

To me, integrity is one of the most important things a person can have.  All the values I’ve done monthly quote collations of are important, don’t get me wrong, but integrity is definitely near the top of the list.  It often requires many of the other virtues to enact.  In its simplest form, it is being true to yourself and doing the right thing, even when that is hard or detrimental.

It’s important to me in my personal life, but it’s also really important to me professionally.  Believe it or not, lawyers have an incredibly strict code of ethics.  One of my jobs is regulating practitioners who fall short or outright violate that code.  The code makes it clear that our first duty is to the court, and our second to the client.  Even if it hurts your client, you cannot mislead the court; even if it hurts you, you must serve your client to the best of your ability.  So, despite what TV may suggest, a lawyer (in Australia, at least) cannot go in front of the court and argue that their client is innocent of a crime if the client has told the lawyer that they are guilty.  If a client tells you one thing, you cannot tell the court another, and if your client insists that you must, you need to withdraw from the case, no matter how many dollarydoos you’ll get by staying in it.

There’s a whole bunch of other things in that code that we have to uphold – we have to be courteous, not bring the profession into disrepute, act in a timely manner, etc.

I’m really passionate about this, so it bothers me massively when I see people (particularly my fellow lawyers) breaching our ethical code, failing to uphold or enforce the law, or generally taking the easy way out just because the hard way is, well, hard.  My family and colleagues have had to sit through several rants recently when I got outraged that someone was behaving in a way that I did not think demonstrated integrity.  I hope I never do lose that outrage, even if it bores the people around me, because this is important.

As a result, this is a month I was really quite excited to do the quotes for.

Please excuse my cover picture of the doughnut, by the way.  I use a free stock photo engine for my cover photos, and the only thing for “integrity” was a picture of circuit boards, so in the end I had to go with “goodness”, which offered me many pictures of attractive men and one of a doughnut.  I’m pretty into doughnuts, so I figured that at least that would be true to myself, which is part of integrity…so, yes.  A doughnut is now the symbol of integrity.

One final side-note: I’ve decided to start linking the author of the quote to a short thing about them in case you like a quote and want to find out more about the person who said it.  Let me know in the comments if that is useful or just unnecessary and boring.

Anyway, the quotes.

  1. “Supporting the truth, even when it is unpopular, shows the capacity for honesty and integrity.”  – Steve Brunkhorst
  2. “One of your most prized possessions is integrity; if this is you, then you should never compromise it.” – Byron Pulsifer
  3. “Power really is a test of character.  In the hands of a person of integrity, it is a tremendous benefit; in the hands of a tyrant, it causes terrible destruction.”  – John Maxwell
  4. “Make living your life with absolute integrity and kindness your first priority.” – Richard Carlson
  5. “Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity, they think of you.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr
  6. “Be impeccable with your word.  Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz
  7. “Admitting one’s own faults is the first step to changing them, and it is a demonstration of true bravery and integrity” – Philip Johnson (If I have correctly attributed this quote, I recognise the irony of quoting a Nazi sympathiser and possible Nazi agent who was utterly lacking in integrity, and I think it is important to acknowledge that there is absolutely no integrity in just paying lip service to the concept.  If I’ve attributed this wrongly, then I apologise to the Philip Johnson who actually said it and sincerely hope he isn’t a Nazi.)
  8. “The personal cost of keeping your own ethics sound and true may seem a bit of a burden at times but that is a minimal price to pay to be true to yourself.  There is absolutely no advantage to changing or altering a set of ethics that portray a person of value and integrity.” – Byron Pulsifer
  9. “When you make a commitment to yourself, do so with the clear understanding that you’re pledging your integrity.” – Stephen Covey
  10. “A single lie destroys a whole reputation of integrity.” – Baltasar Gracian
  11. “One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised.” – Chinua Achebe
  12. “Six eseential qualities that are the key to success: sincerity, personal integrity, humility, courtesy, wisdom, charity.” – Dr William Menninger
  13. “Having a grateful disposition brings about other virtues, including generosity, compassion, humility, joy, wisdom, trust and integrity.” – Bree Miller
  14. “We learned about honesty and integrity – that the truth matters…that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules…and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.” – Michelle Obama
  15. “Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.”  – C. S. Lewis
  16. “A life lived with integrity – even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune – is a shining star in whose light others my follow in the years to come.” – Denis Waitley
  17. “You can’t, in sound morals, condemn a man for taking care of his own integrity.  It is his clear duty.” – Joseph Conrad
  18. “Integrity is making sure that the things you do and the things you say are in alignment.” – Katrina Mayer
  19. “With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.” – Zig Ziglar
  20. “Characterise people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.” – Anonymous
  21. “Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters .” – Albert Einstein
  22. “Knowing what’s right doesn’t mean much unless you do what’s right.” – Franklin Roosevelt
  23. “People may doubt what you say but they will always believe what you do.” – Anonymous
  24. “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody is going to know whether you did it or not.” – Oprah Winfrey
  25. “To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice.” – Confucius
  26. “To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” – William Shakespeare
  27. “What is left when honour is lost?” – Publilius Syrus
  28. “No one can be happy who has been thurst outside the pale of turth.  And there are two ways that one can be removed from this realm: by lying, or by being lied to.” – Seneca
  29. “There are seven things that will destroy us: wealth without work; pleasure without conscience; knowledge without character; religion with sacrifice; politics without principle; science without humanity; business without ethics.” – Gandhi
  30. “May integrity and uprightness guard me as I wait for you.” – Psalm 25:2

What is the most valuable virtue for you?

 

May Gratitude

As my regular readers know, this year I have set myself the challenge of thinking of ten things to be grateful for each month.  Endometriosis can be so devastating and all-consuming that there are days when it doesn’t feel like there is anything good or untainted by it.  By doing this, I hope to train my brain to keep looking for the good and the hopeful.  So, for the month of May I am grateful for:-

1)  The right to vote

Person Dropping Paper On Box
Image description: a shadowed hand puts a folded piece of paper into a sealed box with a slit cut in the top.  

In Australia, non-Aboriginal women didn’t gain suffrage at a Commonwealth level until 1902.  Aboriginal people, male and female, were denied suffrage in Commonwealth elections until 1962.

I may not like election periods, and I may not be 100% enthused by the ideas of any of our political parties, but I am very grateful that I get to have my say regardless.  It may not count for much and it may not change the fate of the country, but it is part of something bigger and more important that ultimately dictates what direction we will go in as a nation for the next few years.  It is powerful and important.

2)  Clever creatives

Every day most of us consume some sort of media for entertainment.  I personally love snuggling up on the sofa with my husband, a cosy blanket, and one of our animals, and watching, reading, or listening to something that catches my imagination.  I am so grateful to the people who come up with the ideas for books, tv, movies, podcasts and music.  They are clever and talented and fascinating and their imaginations are vital to supporting mine.

3)  Good doctors

Red and Black Stethoscope
Image description: a coiled stethoscope and red enamel heart on a reflective white surface.  

My last post detailed my recent adventures with the local GPs in my attempt to get rid of my sinus infection (finally gone!).  I may not be enthused about one the GPs mentioned in that post, but I am overwhelmingly grateful for the good doctor who sorted me out in the end.  They are worth their weight in gold.  I propose kidnapping and cloning.

Disclaimer: I do not advocate kidnapping people and subjecting them to scientific experiments.

4)  My mother came home

Readers of this blog will know how much I rely on my mother when I am having a bad flare or just feeling particularly wussy.  She was in the UK for all of April, but she came back in early May and I cannot properly articulate how much safer and more comfortable I feel knowing she is in the same city as me.

5)  Chai lattes

Six White Ceramic Mugs
Image description: a top-down view of six mugs with different shades of coffee in them.  

It’s a really small thing, but they make me happy, all spicy and creamy and warm and frothy.  I think it’s important to appreciate the small things as well, after all.  I’m lucky enough to work within a very short walk of two cafes that serve them.  One is sweeter and uses the best soy milk brand in Australia, in my humble opinion (Bonsoy), and the other is spicier and more flavourful, though less creamy.  So not only do I get my chai lattes, I get choices too.  Happy me.

6)  Mutual interests

How good is it when you meet someone and you both love the same stuff and can talk about it for ages?  I wrote my Arts thesis on feminism in vampire novels (or the lack thereof), and it turns out that one of my colleagues studied similar topics when she was at uni.  She also loves cats, video games, and fantasy novels.  Talking to her is endlessly fun.  All my colleagues are fantastic, funny, intelligent, kind people, so it’s great to be able to connect on another level as well and make good friends.

7)  Being the “victim” of (really good) culinary experiments

My mother-in-law is a very keen cook who loves to change up recipes and make them suitable for my dietary requirements, so I have recently been the willing victim of some of her most delicious experiments.  Picture, if you will, cannelloni stuffed with sweet potato, spinach, tofu ricotta and roast hazelnuts, a Moroccan-style roast vegetable bake with creamy eggplant and succulent zucchini, and a lemony-shortbread tart case stuffed with eggplant, pea, and basil goodness and topped with roasted pine nuts.

8)  Cat snuggles

My poor Max had to have dental surgery in late May.  Normally, due to yowling like a banshee and smacking doors repeatedly when he wants to get through them, he sleeps in the garage at night, because otherwise he’ll do the above regularly while we are trying to sleep.  However, the garage is a little chilly, so after his op he had to sleep in the spare room, and to stop him yowling, so did I.  The non-good part of this is that Max doesn’t just sleep the night through like a sensible person, and likes to walk back and forth over my face with little chirps to let me know he was still awake and enjoying himself (he comments on everything).  The good part was, when he wasn’t doing that, he was snuggled under the blankets with me with my arms around him, all warm and soft and purring because he loves me and he loves cuddles.  It’s a wonderful thing to be loved by an animal, especially when they want to be snuggled like a teddy bear.

9)  Good computer games

Image result for the forest
Image description: a pair of legs in a blue skirt lie at an awkward angle on the ground outside.  There are little plants all around.  Yellow text reads: The Forest.

Throughout May, I was particularly obsessed with a game called The Forest.  I’m not very good at it, partly because it is a horror game, and, as much as I love horror, I’m a total wuss.  The game is stunningly beautiful (it is set in the lush Canadian coastal forest) and also stunningly creepy (there are dripping, echoing caves, giggling cannibals, and horrifically deformed mutants).  The thought and care that has gone into the creation of both the world and the storyline is obvious, and the result is addictive.

10)  White privilege

To be clear, white privilege doesn’t mean that I have an easy life because I am white, or that I am a bad person because I am white.  It simply means that the same institutional barriers that non-white people face do not burden me.  People looking at me will never make assumptions that I am unintelligent, criminal or dangerous because of the colour of my skin.  Statistically I am going to live longer, get paid more, and have better opportunities.  People in power throughout the country are, by and large, the same racial background as me.

It is incredibly important to remember this, especially as the week of 27 May was Reconciliation Week.  Aboriginal people still face issues that I will likely never experience.  They are more likely to be illiterate, arrested, assaulted, homeless, and experience violence and addiction.  They still suffer racist abuse from white Australians, and their language and cultural traditions are being eroded.

I don’t mean to say by this that I am glad to not be Aboriginal.  That’s not it at all.  I don’t have any particular feelings about the colour of my skin.  What I am grateful for is the privilege that I experience as a result of it, even as I long for the day when that isn’t so.